What if it doesn’t work?

What if it doesn’t work? 

What if I’m not good enough? 

I invested a lot of energy into trying to make those thoughts go away. Not realizing that pushing them away only made them stronger. Saying to myself, “Think positive, Kate! Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough!” only did one thing… it kept me focused on the idea that I wasn’t good enough. 

I felt like I shouldn’t do something unless I was sure it would work. And that if I wasn’t sure something would work I shouldn’t speak up.

Which, big surprise, meant I wasn’t doing much of anything.

So as I mentioned last week—apparently Saturday’s are for feelings?—I turned myself into my own science experiment. The kind you’d read about in one of those NY Times bestselling advice books.

I gave myself permission to follow my instincts. To let myself focus on the questions that interest me instead of searching so hard for answers and tearing myself down if I couldn’t find them.

I gave myself permission to show up as me, exactly where I am, with the understanding that I might feel/think/act differently tomorrow and that’s OK. In fact, that’s good. That’s growth. That’s how we find clarity.

Not to sound like an infomercial but this really has changed the game for me. I can’t believe how much better I understand myself, and the difference in the quality of people I’ve been meeting and opportunities I’ve been finding (or perhaps finally noticing?).

It’s a lot easier to meet people and find things you like when you show up as yourself, because like attracts like.

So I’ll say it again—because Lord knows I had to hear it a few times before I did anything with it—clarity comes from action, not thought.

Flowers! Because, feelings. Taken in my Mum’s garden. You know when people come over for dinner and bring you plants? She’s the one person I know who manages to keep those things alive and put them in her garden. So the next time that person’s over she can be all, “Look, the hydrangea’s you brought last spring are blooming!” It’s a level of domestication I can only aspire to…